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I was interested… but that was before you became desperate

May 18th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

May
18

There’s a fine line between expressing interest and reeking of desperation. It’s so flattering when a guy subtly alludes to being interested yet it’s such a turn off when they over express it or continually push the topic. Us girls love guys who are upfront, and who have the guts to ask us out, but we don’t like it when they over-do it. So how do you ask a girl out without appearing desperate? Regardless of whether you’re approaching someone unknown or invading new territory with an existing friend, there are a few things you should consider.

1. The magic word – once. You approach a girl in a supermarket, at her work, or in a club, and you ask once. If she says no to giving out her number or no to catching up for coffee, it’s all over. You say ‘sorry to bother you’ and you walk away. You do not, I repeat, you do not, beg, plead, or say, “come on just a coffee,” or – my personal favorite – “don’t worry your boyfriend won’t find out.” Shame on you! Walk away mate… walk away.

2. Don’t forget how to talk normally. We all know that crossing over the friend-line to ask for a date is a huge move for any guy. It’s especially hard when a woman doesn’t feel the same, or she’s not in a position to be any more than friends. The trouble with guys who cross over the friend-line is that some of them can never turn back. All of a sudden all he wants to do is remind you of how much he wants to take you out and how much he likes you. There’s no point in talking unless it’s flirting and suddenly the amazingly relaxed and enjoyable friendship you once had is a forgotten dream of the past. Guys, if you cross the friend line and get rejected, jump back behind the line, do not keep walking forward.

3. Can I know your name before this date? Whilst the dating world would not revolve if it weren’t for the men who have the balls to approach random women and ask them out, there is a sort of finesse required to pull this off. For damn certain not many men have mastered this. There’s a right way and a wrong way to approach a women and ask for her number. For me, the biggest turn off is when a guy asks me out without laying any groundwork. Be willing to talk a little before you beg for a date. Make me feel like you want to go on a date with me, not like you want to go on a date with anyone with a vagina.

Assertion and confidence is sexy, desperation is nauseating. Learn the difference.

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Cracking the code: the 5 deadly terms used by a woman

May 10th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

May
10

The incredibly clever picture above has never failed to make me laugh. I couldn’t have put it better myself and I sure as hell can’t argue with any of those descriptions. I can only assume that having to decipher these codes is what a man is referring to when he says that a woman is hard to understand.

The thing I admire about the men I’ve dated in the past has been the way they handle honesty in friendships. When a mate would piss them off, they would tell him straight away, they’d get over it, and they’d continue playing Streetfighter. Easy. I’m not like this, my friends aren’t like this, and I would assume it’s safe to say that a lot of women aren’t like this.

Women tend to sit on things that bother us because we don’t want to make a fuss or we don’t want to start a fight. This pent up anger usually comes out in other ways such as gossip, reduced communication with friends or spiteful decisions.

It’s the same in relationships with men. We say we’re all good when secretly we’re raging inside, we’re plotting our revenge, and damn right we’re withholding sex until further notice! It seems all well and good at the time, and I had a good giggle at the pic, but maybe it’s not the healthiest thing to do.

When you’re upset or angry, it’s so much easier to say you’re okay than to actually tell someone that you’re not. Whilst it’s pretty awful to have to keep fighting with your partner or to have to wear your heart on your tear-stained sleeve, it’s so much better to confront relationship problems straight away. All issues get dealt with eventually; it just makes more sense to face them sooner so that you can move on faster. It’s not an easy thing to do and it sure as hell doesn’t come naturally to most of us, but it’s something worth aiming for.

There are a lot of things women do better than men. A lot. But unfortunately ladies, the men have this say-it-like-it-is thing down a lot more than we do. When you Google “5 deadly terms used by a woman” a plethora of those pictures pop up, one even suggesting the 9 deadly terms! See what happens when you type in “5 deadly terms by used by a man”. Spoiler alert: there’s zilch.

Next time you’re upset, tell him your upset, next time his done something ‘naughty’, tell him he fucked up. At the end of the day, life is stressful enough without playing games, and a relationship is hard enough without a man having to decode messages. Men are bad at that stuff; let’s cut them some slack.

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Winter Dating: it’s not so bad

May 4th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

May
04

Dating in winter is always a struggle. Everything – for that matter – is a struggle in winter. If a simple task like getting out of bed becomes as hard as taking off your makeup when you get home drunk at 4am, how are we expected to be bothered dating?

And if winter wasn’t crap enough already, it provides us with no decent clothes to show off how great our boobs look or how evenly bronzed our spray tan is. Winter clothes, whilst so warm and comfy, are big, bulky, and usually far from glamorous. “Damn girl, even though I can’t see where your body starts and the clothes end, you look sexy in those trackies, Ugg boots and Nike hoodie.” No. I wish…. but no.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. The low humidity in winter means that the frizzy hair season is over. Us curly girls out there don’t need to worry about evolving into Tina Turner every time we leave the house, or when we want to turn on the evaporative cooling. See, it’s not so bad.

Plus, there’s something so nice about being cuddled up – in your comfy clothes – on a date. It may not gel with modern conceptions of hot and racy, but it creates it’s own incredible atmosphere that is just as sexy, if not more. Winter hands us an excuse to get under the blankets, an excuse to cuddle, and an excuse to use naked body heat as a legitimate source of warmth.

When you’re sick of winter snuggles and can no longer stand to watch White Chicks yet again, the Peninsula Hot Springs is the perfect place to go. Whilst most people associate this place with summer, you’ll be shocked to discover that it’s even better in winter. The heat of the spa mixed with a cold winter’s night will make any couple content.

Like most mammals, wintertime for dating women involves hibernation, starchy foods, and an implicit justification for not having to shave our legs. This winter, make the decision to put something sexy on under your hoodie. Shave your legs, make room for another body on the couch, and I promise you, winter dating will give summer a run for its money.

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Keep calm, put the phone down, embrace the chase

April 26th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
26

It’s funny how – when it comes to emotions – we don’t stop things that feel good, even if they’re not good for us. Now that I think about it, I’ve had so many exhausting relationships with men that I’ve had no future with, but that I couldn’t let go of. We fall so hard and we become so curious that we often find ourselves holding on to something that doesn’t even exist.

When we can’t have a relationship with a guy, we sometimes try and have a friendship. It’s impossible to have a friendship when you want something more. Maybe not impossible for some, but for me it’s really goddamn hard. You kind of become invested in this not-a-relationship relationship, and eventually you find yourself at this certain point. It’s the point where you realize that you’ve come so far that you can’t turn back; soon it will have to end and the only way for it to end now is to end badly. When something can’t be maintained it ends. When emotions get dragged through the mud and unresolved feelings are at play, it ends badly.

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For me, when it eventually ended, I looked back on about 11 months of an exhausting (admittedly often exciting), ‘not-a-relationship’ relationship. Ending it was for the best… a life of no regrets… blah blah blah. It was hard. You find yourself stumbling somewhere between, “do not text him you weak bitch” to “fuck it, I’m just going to see him, jump on him and we’ll make it work” and then back to “YOU’RE SO WEAK!” Like everything, it gets better with time.

When you find yourself hurt by that relationship that never was, it’s important to realize that, whilst it hurts, it often doesn’t deserve the same mourning period that a real relationship does. Instead, remember how good the chase felt. It’s not just a guy thing, women like the chase too you know, we just don’t call it ‘the chase’. For us it’s when we’ve just noticed that really cute guy who gets coffee every morning where we do. The chase is all about exchanging glances, subtly flirting, planning our next move and getting excited about getting coffee the next morning. It’s that time where you don’t have his number, you don’t know his life story, and you don’t know whether or not his into you. That’s fun. It gets boring after a while but so does being stuck in a dead end nothing relationship!

Sometimes we get so caught up in something that is never going to happen that we miss the things that are happening. Let go. Everything works out in the end so if it’s really meant to happen then it will. For now though, just let go.

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Recycling men: maybe it’s not such a bad idea

April 23rd, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
23

Like most women, I look back on my unsuccessful relationships of the past and – like a raging alcoholic with a drinking problem – pretend they aren’t there. Who could forget the guy with a head the size of a melon who tried to get to third base in an elevator, the guy who miraculously fell madly in love with me every time I had a new man, and, my personal favorite, the much older guy who had a knack for dirty text messages. Gosh, I should flaunt that list with pride, right? Perhaps not.

It wasn’t until about a week ago that I considered whether any of these men would ever be worthy of another date. Upon seeing an ex-fling walk past in the shopping center, I started to think about the possibility of bringing back men from the past.

The main objection I received, when I discussed this with the jury, was that there was a reason the relationship didn’t work in the first place. One juror turned to me and said, “Have you run out of men that you need to start recycling all the old ones?” With all my friends – I mean jurors – barking down my throat, I felt compelled to agree. After all, the evidence I presented (my compelling list of exceptional ex’s) was not very convincing.

On second thought, would it be so bad to give someone a second chance? After all, that’s really all you’re doing. Just because he wasn’t right for you then, doesn’t mean he isn’t right for you now. Let’s not forget that men tend to mature and develop over time. Unlike us ladies who have full-blown boobs and can hold a conversation at 13, guys are concerned with catching cooties until about 15, and as for holding a mature conversation… well… that skill is often forgotten until mid 30’s. Furthermore – lets give these men some credit – people can change. In my situation, I shouldn’t expect a head to get smaller, but things like attachment issues or similar interests can foster over time.

I guess, like most things in life, each situation needs to be considered individually. If you were both just too young back then, or just needed some space, if he was just a little too amused by fart jokes or needed to start ironing his own shirts, then maybe it’s worth searching for him on Facebook or sending him a message.

Perhaps we should treat these men like those vintage tortoise shell sunnies, those cute platforms shoes or that linen dress with the shoulder pads – all items from the past well worth bringing into your future. We tend to dismiss people we once knew, be it friends, lovers or colleagues. It’s easy to forget that these people entered our lives for a reason, and that there’s no harm in letting them back in (unless it’s the perverted sexting guy – it’s best he stay out forever).

Yes, I thought all those pictures were necessary.

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BBrilliant – why everyone is going bonkers for BB Cream

April 18th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
18

There are two kinds of women out there at the moment – those who are in love with their BB cream and those who don’t know what all the fuss is about.

I have recently crossed the fence. From being a woman who was so content with my mineral powder, I am now an annoying activist that believes, some days, BB cream is the only way to go.

I’m no beauty expert so don’t worry, there’s no lecture ahead. Let’s talk about it in practical terms. It’s a moisturizer that contains sunscreen, foundation and sometimes an anti-ageing component. So, when you think about it, this little miracle cream covers pimples, moisturizes your face, hides blemishes, protects you from the sun and eliminates uneven skin tone. Pretty great, huh?

If you haven’t already been convinced, let me share with you the three situations where you will love your BB cream.

1. The days that you can’t be bother doing your makeup or you’re running late.

My normal foundation routine – moisturizer, concealer, mineral powder, highlighting stick, bronzer – takes so goddamn long. I’m exhausted before I’ve even thought about eyes or lips (first world problems). When I cant be bothered, or don’t have time, for a 20 minute bathroom sesh, I use BB cream. Personally, I feel the need to still use a little bronzer or powder on top of the cream as I find the brand I use (Rimmel) to be a little bit oily.

2. BB cream is perfect for those tasks that are not deserving of full make-up, but that you’re not comfortable doing with a naked face.

You know; doctors’ appointments, running down to the local shopping center, the drive-ins, boarding a plane to go overseas, and a sixth date. In these situations your BB cream will be your best friend. You’ll look good but you wouldn’t have wasted much time or effort.

3. This third horrifying scenario is one that all women will have faced at least once in their life:

You wake up, you look in the mirror, and for some strange reason your skin actually looks great: flawless. You say to yourself in a happy and excited tone “Holy shit, I don’t even need foundation today!” and you proceed to get ready to go wherever you have to, getting ready to show off your flawless, natural skin. An hour after leaving home, you look in the mirror only to find what was once flawless skin is now an oily moon covered in red craters and ugly unidentifiable objects. Now you’re fucked. Don’t you wish you had your BB cream in your purse?

Enough said. Invest in BB cream.

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Where’s Wally?

April 14th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
14

Playing Where’s Wally is my favorite guilty secret. Sundays are the perfect day to indulge in guilty secrets. There’s nothing better than a cup of tea and a huge Wally book to pass a few hours that could be better spent doing something productive.

As I scanned through the “WallyWorld” scene – the one where everyone looks like Wally but only one is the real one – I realized something. Is finding Wally just like finding a real guy?

Let’s brainstorm for a second.

There are a lot of men out there that could potentially be Wally. Some have the qualities that you’re looking for but then you realize they also have qualities that you’re not. When you think you’ve found the right Wally you realize that something’s not quite right. Some are already hooking up with their Wanda but others are still looking. Whilst you can circle a Wally lookalike and pretend he’s it, deep down you won’t be happy until you know you’ve got the right one. When it all gets too much, you often need to take a break before your head explodes. Sometimes you shut yourself off from opening a Wally book altogether. But, after all that, the moment that you stop trying so hard, and you’re desperation level lowers, Wally miraculously appears.

HOLY SHIT – I feel like I’ve just cracked the Da Vinci code.

Don’t stress too much about finding your Wally. At the end of the day, whilst he might be a bitch to find, you can take comfort in the fact that he is definitely there somewhere – he has to be.

Happy Sunday all!

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Shirt on or shirt off for Facebook default?

April 9th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
09

A few days ago I found myself being one of those shameful people who sit in McDonalds to use the free Wi-Fi. So, so sad. I was interstate, alone, and waiting for my apartment to be ready – fair excuse right?

Being observant, as I always am, I noticed a shittonne of people taking ‘selfies’. Not only was there the Asians doing peace signs – standard – but I was surrounded by people everywhere holding phones at awkward angles and pouting. So, this has become quite popular hey?

Everyone has a different position when selfies are concerned. Me? I sit somewhere in the middle; but it’s not uncommon for me to cringe when I see what some people get up to with their camera phone. I’m really not a fan of those who post self-indulgent pictures on Facebook every time there’s an outfit change. It’s so unnecessary. If there’s something in the background worth taking a picture of then you wont be able to see it with your big face in the way. Furthermore, if you want to show everyone what you’re wearing (heaven knows why we have to do that), then at least get your mate or mum to stand next to you, or even better, get them to take the photo. It’s not about not being alone in a photo, definitely not, that’s completely fine. So then what is it? It appears that those over the top, boobs pushed together, duck-faced, selfie-goers have ruined it for everyone.

When my generation was enjoying the worry-free teen years, about five or so years ago, it was completely fine to take a picture of yourself, using the reflection in the bathroom mirror, with the camera phone in the forefront of the picture and the toilet in the background. Totally acceptable and oh so classy… shocking! When you look at it that way, it seems we’ve come quite far.

Everyone woman needs at least one good picture of herself alone. It’s always nice to have a solo picture for things like WhatsApp or Skype or Twitter. So how do we take a selfie, without it being a selfie? Easy, take away the arms and take away the mirrors. You can take a great profile picture using the webcam on your laptop, which doesn’t look as unnatural.

Ditch the arms, the mirror and remember to smile. That’s all a good picture really needs.

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Why hurt when you can rebound, right? Wrong! ..Maybe?

April 5th, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
05

When you break up with someone you’re usually either really angry or really sad. There’s not really an in between. Those who are really angry can sometimes fall into the trap of drinking lots of vodka and sticking their tongue down the throat of the closest man on the dance floor. On the other hand, those who are really sad stay home, huddled in a nice little ball watching Friends re-runs, with other guys being the last thing on their mind. It’s always been a touchy topic, but dating ‘gurus’ these days are telling us to rethink the rebound.

My position on the matter is that you have to hurt. You can hurt at the start, get it over with and, with time, be ready to move on. Or, you can be that girl that throws yourself at other men, trying to forget the person that hurt you, and later down the track just explode. I’ve always believed that sooner or later you need to feel pain and curl up in a ball – alone – watching sitcoms whilst you weep. It’s about coming to terms with a break up. Apparently though I watch too many Hollywood movies and sitcoms already, because this is the old school version of dealing with break ups.

More and more things you read about the ‘rebound’ guy are becoming positive. They say that having a rebound allows you to be happy, and happiness is what kills the pain. You can feel good about yourself, you can have attention from a man, and you can use this guy to get over your ex. THAT SOUNDS AWFUL. Who recommends this shit? Okay it’s not that bad. The articles that I’ve read that encourage the rebound all say that it’s important to have ‘the talk’ with the rebound guy. You sit down and you tell him that you’ve just got out of a serious relationship and you’re just looking for some fun. After all you don’t want to mend your heart at the expense of someone else’s.

I guess that some people will respond well to the rebound. It’s easy to forget something painful when you keep yourself busy. The problem is, you can’t be busy forever. One day you’ll run out of work to do, the house will be as clean as it can get and there will be no rebound guy to send a flirty message to. Eventually there will be no distractions and, when that day comes, you will hope to only feel freedom, rather than realize that you never truly got over it. I don’t know, perhaps I’m a cynic. When I can speak from experience I will re-write this post, but for now, personally, I think that the instant rebound is just dangerous territory.

It’s an interesting issue, so, what do you think?

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I’ll take two left feet with a gun and badge any day!

April 2nd, 2013 | by BiancaJ | online dating

Apr
02

Whilst reading an old edition of a women’s magazine, in the physio waiting room this morning, I came across an article about a ‘sure fire thing that women cannot resist’. I read on – extremely intrigued – only to find out that it’s dancing… a man who dances. Apparently this is irresistible to women.

Eh.

I can resist.

What was I expecting it to say? That’s easy, a man in uniform. Whilst we don’t picture walking down the aisle with a man in a security blazer or a fireman’s hat, we sure as hell say ‘YUMMY’ when the hot sparky arrives, the distinguished doctor walks in, or the sexy-but-serious police man asks if we’re okay.

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It’s not the uniform, no, definitely not. It’s naive to think it’s the uniform. There’s something about what the uniform represents. A uniform means power or skill or specialization. People who wear uniforms are often skilled in an area where you aren’t and this makes them powerful. And, power is hot…so hot. And it’s manly… mmmm so manly.

Society accepts this attraction that women have for uniforms. It wasn’t too long ago that Barbie demanded that Ken take off his hula shorts to put on a Doctor’s robe, and exchange his surfboard for a stethoscope. This trend even spread to the stripper world. Nowadays, every single male stripper comes to your door as a fireman, a policeman, or a navy officer.

Most women are attracted to power, success and authority. Whilst a man in uniform may not be what we look when searching online dating pictures or choosing who to approach in a bar, we definitely take a second look when one walks by.

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Yum.

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